The Fine Art of Sobriquet

I've got this friend. Dave. Dave, among his other talents, has an absolute genius for nicknaming folks. I'd never want Dave really angry with me, for fear I'd get one of his zingers. Contrary to the old saying, they hurt far worse than sticks and stones.I'd rather be body-slammed than endure the devastation of a Dave Special Nickname..

Some years back, Dave and I played in a band where we actually had a crew of folks who did the setup and tear-down as far as the equipment. I think they were called "roadies". One of these guys Dave nicknamed "Ten-Watt", since he appeared to have about ten watts of brain power. (The time he ran over all the mike stands while backing up the truck is coming back to me here as a prime example).

Strangely enough, the average human brain is supposed to have about 20 watts worth of electrical energy, so this is more apt even than Dave intended it to be. But TenWatt did live up to his name. He even had folks wondering, after a brief conversation with him, if "Ten Watt" wasn't a generous estimate..

And then, from that same era, there was "brain dead". There were a couple girls who used to come hear us play at various local venues, not without burning one in the car on the way there. One of them would stare into space while we played, as if she were--right.."So, Ada and Brain Dead came to the gig last Friday". Fortunately, she thought the nickname was funny too. Then again, when you're that stoned, damn near anything is funny..

About half the time, people don't like their nicknames. Ten Watt sure didn't- well, once it was explained to him. Around Junior High School time, there was a kid I knew who was nicknamed Duck- for his apparently ducklike features. The people who gave him that name didn't tell him at first, and would make jokes about 'duck' in his presence. And he'd join in, thinking it was somebody else!

Well, those folks have certainly added some Nickname Karma to their future lives. Maybe I have too for laughing at the whole situation.

I might not have Dave's genius for sobriquet, but I have been a nicknamer of persons myself. Most of mine are internal. That is, they tend to stay between my ears and rarely come out of my mouth. They just kinda occur to me. I just flash on something they say or do, and bing! out comes a new nickname. Here are a couple, from people I used to work with:

Tough actin' Tinactin. A petite(but stocky)female who had a kick-your-ass exterior, strictly a defense mechanism but this was her 'aura' for awhile. She found this nickname funny, saw the good humor in it.

Chris Pissedofferson. Intense at times, thus the nickname. Not without a sense of humor though and would probably find this nickname amusing .

Mr. Sourball. One of our long-time supervisors at a particular office I worked in. A very grumpy demeanor much of the time(there was once in a meeting when he fell on the floor and I thought he was having a heart attack because I'd never seen the man laugh!)but actually a very nice person underneath it all. I once told him his nickname, and he said "that will be noted"..

Snootypants. Yeahhhh, let's just let this one lie there.

Toxic Mrs Doubtfire. Ditto.

I feel very fortunate in life to have gone this long--and at this point I feel like I'm okay from here--without ever having any kind of permanent nickname stuck on my ass. There have been a few(and I'm certainly not telling your ass what they are!), but they've faded into nothing like a kid's tattoo.

Or maybe, like that "duck" guy, there's been one going all along, and no one's told me. For all I know, people could've been making jokes about "him" in front of me all this time. And with me joining in!

Naah.