Difficult People- no mas!!

You never completely escape them. No matter how scrupulously you plan your life so as to edge out the possible incendiaries, one is going to slip in through the door, under the door, through the window- or perhaps through a host body ala the Body Snatchers! One damn way or another, you'll have a difficult individual on your hands. Someone who irks you, who raises your blood pressure along with your ire. Somebody who just plain makes your life--well, difficult.

I just left my job in the middle of this year, end of June. It was for a social service agency taking care of indigent folks(and thus fraught with difficult personalities!)22 years in that job, which I guess was all I could take. Naturally, many of these problem folks were clients, but almost as often they were co-workers or "superiors". Well, it was a big room full of people. Egos. Issues. And as you keep adding people to the equation, sooner or later you get at least one who's an asshole. It's just gonna happen.

This is of course true in any aggravation--er, excuse me, aggregation of people, any gathering, whether it's an office unit or a musical ensemble or the United Paperhangers Coalition. Having never hung paper(let alone on a wide-scale group level), I can't speak for this last bunch, but I have worked in offices and played in bands. So I do have quite a reservoir of experience in both these settings. And as well as some fine folks I've worked alongside in the office, and played alongside on a stage, I've had to suffer with more than a few stinkers. 

At the office, it's just something you have to deal with. Find a way to make your relationship with that person a workable one. You don't really have a choice, as long as you need that job. One or both of you has to bend a little bit. Looking back on all those years, I wonder how the hell I survived them. But then I saw people in work relationships far more acrimonious than anything I had to endure. 

In a band you have considerably more leeway of course, unless that band is your primary income(and/or you're traveling with them!). I did have that misfortune once on the road, back in the '80s. I could put up a whole 'nother blog about this person's hubris and general brattiness, but suffice it to say, another of life's difficult individuals. Fortunately, just as things were at their darkest, he left for another band(just short of being canned from ours- the bandleader had even asked me to play bass so we could get rid of him!), which at least gave us something to celebrate.

 But with that, another of Life's sterner lessons: it could always be worse! His replacement was a guy from the urban jungles of Philadelphia who couldn't cope with the wide-open spaces of New Mexico. This caused him to drink mass quantities of alcohol to settle those jangled nerves- which unfortunately brought out a contentious alter-ego, making him mouthy and belligerent. One such verbal altercation with the bandleader became his going-away party, and our new bass player was sent home, practically Fedexed back to Philly.

Seems like we went through that business with a singer as well. Great-looking, and with a balcony you could do Shakespeare from, but a mouth that would embarrass a steveadore, at least when it came to her demands in the band. Fortunately for me, being a sideman, not my headache--at least not directly.  Traditionally the most difficult of all musicians: the lead vocalist. 

Fortunately this time, life didn't throw us another zinger in her replacement. We got a very nice lady, who unfortunately was only with us for a brief while. Not as photogenic as her petulant predecessor(and thus not as good a sell for the band)but refreshingly bereft of the odious qualities we'd had to endure in the one she replaced. Down to earth, unassuming, good-natured. Like I said, a nice lady. And to further recommend her, she could do a slow blues that'd bring down the house every time!

So I had to put up with an asshole bass player(well two actually) and an asshole singer for awhile in there, since I lived with them. We were all out there on the road. No choice in the matter. Like in the office, you just find a way to make it work. 

At this point in life though, retired from the workforce and with enough shekels to pay the bills, I don't need to put in my time in some office. Not anymore. Of the people I worked with, I can just see the ones I like! And though I love music, I don't need to make money at it(though a few extra bucks never hurt anybody). So I don't have to put up with toxic personalities like that bass player and singer from the road. Or anybody else, for that matter!

 You're always going to have difficult people. I just had one on a gig this past week. The big difference is that now I can just walk away. If I don't want to work with that person again, I don't have to. I do think it's a good thing to be able to work with a difficult individual, as far as one's general adaptability in life--but what for if you don't have to?!

No, I feel I've paid those dues. From here on in, as much as is humanly possible, I only play gigs and associate with happy(or at least pleasant)folks. Those who at least leave their egos and agendas at home. And I promise to leave mine at home too.