Saturday, September 13, 2008

Czar for a Day

I think I'm just plain gonna start putting my "weirder" thoughts in here and try and keep my News page at somewhere within our Solar System.

But if I were CZAR OF THE WORLD, for even a day, there are a few things I would implement. Ahh at last- to Rule!

Actually, General Zod I ain't. I have my share of weird underpinnings, but megalomania isn't among them. No, if nominated I will not run; if elected I will not serve. Still, though, there are a few things I'd do to make this world a better place. At least for me...

For starters, marijuana, hashish and prostitution would all be legal. Taxed but legal. Also free healthcare while we're at it. I'd also legalize same-sex marriage. What the hell- gay people should have every right to be just as miserable as straight people in their relationships. (That was a line from a movie, can't remember which one but a good line I thought.)

Turning now to the entertainment industry, there would be a few changes made. Except for Wheel of Fortune and Jeopardy, all TV Game Shows would be taken off the air, and likewise reality shows like Big Brother and Survivor, and general yahooshit like American Idol and America's Got Talent.

Cop shows, Doctor shows and Sitcoms would be allowed to continue, provided they're better-written. There would be one Cable channel devoted 24 hours per day to old Twilight Zone episodes, and another offering nothing but Spongebob cartoons. Of course Warner Bros and Jay Ward Productions(the folks who brought us Bullwinkle)have to figure in here someplace.

Musicians would all be subsidized through the federal government, and with all the benefits(health, retirement etc)of any other federal employee. Due to their Union Contract, they could not be discharged from their positions, but would still be subject to disciplinary action up to and including selling shoes-- in a Shopping Mall to be determined by the Sentencing Council.

As Czar of the World, I'd of course have my own string of clubs and concert auditoriums and would be able to go into any of them whenever I wanted and play with whoever was playing. Regardless of whatever the band might've had in mind to play that night. Hey man, I'm the fucking Czar, right?

Right. Well it gets more complicated from there. I mean, besides the free healthcare, legal marrige, legal prostitution and legal pot & hash(all the other stuff would still be illegal as far as I'm concerned, especially Meth), I'd want to do something for folks out there. A few more ideas I'm working out. One is a tax break for attractive, large-breasted women for marrying(or at least servicing)short men.

Crazy thoughts perhaps. But that's what I'd do with the 24-hour Scepter, were I --CZAR FOR A DAY.


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