The Age of Jquarius
It's not anything new. Back in the late 70's my college roommate told me about an experience he'd had in High School-which, for him would've been the late 60's. In the morning over the PA system they'd announce the names of the kids in trouble that day, one of which was one Clorox Johnson.
Clorox Johnson. Jesus. And she probably had a brother Oxydol.
In the course of my day I see names like this all the time. What still cracks me up as well as those names-derived-from-household-items are the Roman-sounding ones, like Quintavius. Or Chittorion. Names that sound like the parents got drunk and screwed to Spartacus on the TV.
Then of course there's the hillbilly component. Names like Pistol. Or Ainjul. Just like their Aunt Bambi, these kids will probably not be teaching Philosophy or Epistemology in later life. Some names just seem to destine one for greatness. How do you spell hillbilly? A-I-N-J-U-L.
Well actually I guess an Ainjul as such would be a kind of hillbilly deity. An Ainjul of Cryst.
Okay sorry for that one. Ainjul, in the phog of phonetics, at least sounds like Angel, and thus will not bring laughs when announced at High School graduation. (Yes, providing he/she makes it that far). Ainjul and her brother Pistol. And her other brother Jquarius.
I've imagined a Parallel Universe if you will, a working unit not dissimilar to the one I'm engaged in, only the names have changed 180 degrees or so: "What amuses you so, Quintavius?" "Oh, Xoxxcarrion, some of the names in these records are so funny!" "What have you there?" "BARRY!" Riotous laughter ensues..
But actually it's right around the corner! All I can say is that the next generation seems to have the funniest names yet. At least to my admittedly whitebread tastes. Well, funny and sad at the same time, comic and tragic.
My old college roommate back in Baltimore once commented, as we drove through one of Ballmerr's seamier slum neighborhoods, that "there are people here who don't know who the President is!"And it's that level of ignorance that gives kids names like Quiznozz and Yerktokk, and thus douses them with ghetto or hillbilly cologne, making it that much more difficult to lose the cultural 'scent'.
Truly, we're living in the Age of Jquarius..
Clorox Johnson. Jesus. And she probably had a brother Oxydol.
In the course of my day I see names like this all the time. What still cracks me up as well as those names-derived-from-household-items are the Roman-sounding ones, like Quintavius. Or Chittorion. Names that sound like the parents got drunk and screwed to Spartacus on the TV.
Then of course there's the hillbilly component. Names like Pistol. Or Ainjul. Just like their Aunt Bambi, these kids will probably not be teaching Philosophy or Epistemology in later life. Some names just seem to destine one for greatness. How do you spell hillbilly? A-I-N-J-U-L.
Well actually I guess an Ainjul as such would be a kind of hillbilly deity. An Ainjul of Cryst.
Okay sorry for that one. Ainjul, in the phog of phonetics, at least sounds like Angel, and thus will not bring laughs when announced at High School graduation. (Yes, providing he/she makes it that far). Ainjul and her brother Pistol. And her other brother Jquarius.
I've imagined a Parallel Universe if you will, a working unit not dissimilar to the one I'm engaged in, only the names have changed 180 degrees or so: "What amuses you so, Quintavius?" "Oh, Xoxxcarrion, some of the names in these records are so funny!" "What have you there?" "BARRY!" Riotous laughter ensues..
But actually it's right around the corner! All I can say is that the next generation seems to have the funniest names yet. At least to my admittedly whitebread tastes. Well, funny and sad at the same time, comic and tragic.
My old college roommate back in Baltimore once commented, as we drove through one of Ballmerr's seamier slum neighborhoods, that "there are people here who don't know who the President is!"And it's that level of ignorance that gives kids names like Quiznozz and Yerktokk, and thus douses them with ghetto or hillbilly cologne, making it that much more difficult to lose the cultural 'scent'.
Truly, we're living in the Age of Jquarius..
posted by Roger U Roundly at 12:19 AM
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