Not firing on both cylinders

I envy and pity those folks out there whose lives are their jobs (it's a hybrid feeling, the pity part mostly coming after they retire), who can't wait to get to work on Monday morning and pour everything into their work. My working life has always been split down the middle:the work I have to do(i.e. the dayjob)and the work I want to do(my musical pursuits: playing jobs, giving lessons, recording). 

Some folks manage this successfully, most notably Charles Ives(the ultimate musician-with-a-dayjob), who claimed a symbiotic relationship between his music and his work in the Insurance industry, that they were mutually beneficial. In my case, they've always been antithetical, and clash like a major and minor third played simultaneously. 


For me, these two components of my working existence were never friendly but they could co-exist, due almost solely to youthful vigor on my part. Being a musician-with-a-dayjob means that you basically work two schedules: your M-F 9 to 5 on the job, and then evenings and weekends with your music. In other words, you work all the time.

I liken these two parts of my life to two cylinders whose fitting is starting to slip. When I hit age 50, the two cylinders started to grind occasionally. Got a bit crabbier about the lack of free time on weekends, but would still head out there. Now in my late 50's, these two cylinders are making a heck of a racket. Much tougher working two schedules, however light the second one is. I have to take time off to do most of my musical stuff.  Can't have both cylinders firing at once, not anymore. 

So that's my struggle in life, trying to balance two unbalanceable things, always making that lunge to avoid something hitting the floor. Kinda like a bad juggler. But I keep doing it. 

These vacations are nice because(at least at the moment) neither cylinder is going. Peace and quiet from both ends. Sooner or later, I'll get to retire the work cylinder and avoid all that scraping and grinding for good. For now, gotta make adjustments. 

Most of us have that one part, that one component in life that doesn't quite fit. Well that's mine. For now, all is quiet. I'm going to follow suit.