Never mind, it just says 'helf'!

I wasn't able to bring you the whole image(and I guess you can chalk that up to my baby-boomer's lack of tech-savviness)but at least you get the idea. The full message is: Beware of Herion Addict on Corner. 

This is from an actual news story about a week ago, about a couple of junkies--a guy and his girlfriend-- living at the Bel-Aire Motel here in town. The people in the neighborhood, residents and business owners alike, were up in arms about these folks, since they've been panhandling for about a year now.  

                                        Interviewed in the story were both one of the junkies, and the author of the sign. The junkie made no bones about the fact that he and his girlfriend had been scrounging off the neighborhood for the past year, but said he'd been clean for a month and was looking for work. Naturally you feel extreme skepticism here but at least want to believe the poor shlub. I worked in the local unemployment office for 22 years, and have heard that story a million times. Sometimes they do come through, but usually not. 

                            As for the person who wrote the sign, he was outraged by the behavior of the doped-up duo, and  crying for their blood. He wants those folks removed from his neighborhood, and pronto!

                          And I can't say as I blame him. I wouldn't want them on my block either, at least not the panhandling. They can stay inside and shoot up to their hearts(and veins')content, but when they head out the door and start hassling everyone for money, that's when it's drizzle drazzle drozzle drome time. Time for this one to go home.

                         I have no problem with someone making up a sign to warn others in the area if something like this is happening. This kind of vigilance is what should go on in one's neighborhood(just as long as it doesn't become a re-enactment of The Monsters are Due on Maple Street). But I do have a problem with how it's written. Beware- herion addicts. Well really, the ignorance behind how it's written. My first reaction is to wince at the mis-spelling, but I know what he's trying to say. Someone else may look at the mis-spelled word and just dismiss it entirely, figuring the person is just too stupid to know what they're talking about.

                                     There's an old Far Side cartoon that comes to mind here(and, yes, the title of this blog). A guy is trapped on an island, and frantically trying to scratch an SOS in the sand. Overhead, a plane is passing by which could've saved him. "Never mind", says one of the pilots. "It just says helf". 

                         Or you could have one of those individuals who takes everything literally. People learning English often have that difficulty, particularly the Japanese it seems. I'm also thinking of Dr Sheldon Cooper of The Big Bang Theory, who, despite(or maybe because of)his IQ of 187, would be stumped. "What on Earth is Herion?" He'd be unable to apply the Hillbilly Hermeneutics to the situation and correctly identify the drug as heroin- just with the hillbilly spelling. Actually, given his knowledge base, there probably is a drug called Herion, which is used to treat Planter's Warts in Uganda, something only he would know. "Why on Earth are they going to all this trouble for Herion?"

    Either way, the message would not get through. This is one of the two problems with bad English. It doesn't always communicate effectively because the listener has to translate it- and if it's not their native tongue, maybe they can't. In which case the message is lost completely. 

   As what I hope isn't too crass an example, there was a character years ago who was an assistant manager of sorts at a local nightclub. Nice guy and all, but he had a speech impediment due to a cleft palate(commonly, perhaps pejoratively)referred to as a harelip. You had to listen a little more carefully when he was talking. Someone made the remark that if there was ever a fire or something and he got on the intercom to warn everyone, we'd all perish, because no one would be able to understand him! (I remember laughing at this, as we all did, but feeling a little bit ashamed that I was laughing).

  Bad English like this is, in effect, giving your writing a harelip! People won't be able to understand you when you need them to. As I recall, the City had him take down his sign. I can't help feel that the way it was written had something to do with it. The second problem with bad English is that people(and particularly jerks like me, who are admittedly sticklers for good English)tend not to take you as seriously. Here's another one: bad English is like naming your writing Buffy. 

  The way I'd like to see this scene played out is thusly: two cars pull up. The first is a squad car, to take the junkie couple off to a Treatment Center. Secondly is a regular passenger car, to take the sign writer to Lawrence Adult Center for his Basic English/Writing class.