The Proper Form of Address
I've got this friend, let's call him Bob. The first thing you might notice about him is his height, or lack thereof. He's not a midget or anything but still pretty damn short, Michael J Fox short: about 5'4", and not particularly strapping at that.
Personally, Bob is a real pleasant sort on the whole- sometimes quiet, sometimes more outgoing, but most always courteous to other folks, and with an often lively sense of humor. So people generally like Bob, and consider him a pretty good guy.
The thing is, once folks get to know him a bit, he often becomes "Bobby"- which he often feels is some sort of deference to his height. He's usually gracious about it, but inwardly feels like he's being labeled.. Now this form of address, depending on the addressee(and their particular issues)may or may not be a commentary on his lack of height and/or physical stature--and even if so, may or may not be intended condescendingly. Sometimes people are just being nice. (Fancy that!)
Also, it's pretty common in the Sports or Entertainment fields. Being Bobby or Sammy there gives you just a little more headline-grabbing razmatazz to your monicker. But they do do that to you if you're short, male or female, whether they mean anything by it or not.
Being a reasonably intelligent, thoughtful sort, Bob knows this, as far as people's possible intentions, and tries to take it all in stride. But you still see him wince when someone calls him Bobby. Someone has reminded him, intentionally or not, that he's a little guy.
Bob hates this state of affairs, but doesn't necessarily want to be Hulk Hogan. He'd be fine just being 5'9" or 5'10", and of average build. Actually he's fine being 5'4" and of wiry(but muscular, if he works at it)build, so long as people don't give him a ration of shit about it..What he really hates, then, is not his size--his feet reach the ground-- but people's attitudes and prejudices about people his size.
Fortunately there are enough people who are cool to him, to whom he's just good-old-Bob, their friend who could be any height. And he's able to avoid the ones who aren't.
Actually I've noticed that most folks, irrespective of height, prefer the slightly more formal form of their names: the women I know as Patty usually refer to themselves as Pat, and most Mike's prefer Michael(one example, though for a completely different reason, is a composer I know of named Michael Hunt).
And there's a friend I grew up with, whom we called Danny, not a short guy, so it wasn't any kind of commentary there. He had all the height I(oops I mean my friend Bob)would want. With him I think it was more that the 'ny' after his name signified immaturity, something you call someone who's still in short pants. So phone messages are always from DAN, and with a certain don't -call-me-Danny solemnity to them..
I think many of us just want to be 5'9" or so in that regard, just sorta coast along the norm, unscathed by the slings and arrows of deviance on either side of it. . Your name, like your dog's, is something you're gonna be expected to answer to, so it'd be nice if it were something you're comfortable with--and something a little bit consistent with how you see yourself.
So I try to take the cue from how they introduce themselves, as far as how to address people. One exception to this though, is a guy I knew in college , J____ Weiner(pronounced Winer), who wanted everyone to call him "Mongo", after the brutish character in Blazing Saddles who coldcocked the horse with one punch. He'd refer to himself as "Mongo" in third person caveman-speak: 'Mongo hungry', etc. And you could tell he was just dying for everyone to follow suit and call him Mongo.
Well, like it says in the Good Book, he who exalts himself shall be humbled . Nobody ever called him Mongo, but one guy did call him "weenie".
So life goes on. Funny thing about Bob, though. If he were 6'4" instead of 5'4" he'd probably wish people called him Bobby. Some would, upon request, but many more would defer to his height and call him Bob, or maybe even Robert. Boy, you just can't win for losing, can you?!
Personally, Bob is a real pleasant sort on the whole- sometimes quiet, sometimes more outgoing, but most always courteous to other folks, and with an often lively sense of humor. So people generally like Bob, and consider him a pretty good guy.
The thing is, once folks get to know him a bit, he often becomes "Bobby"- which he often feels is some sort of deference to his height. He's usually gracious about it, but inwardly feels like he's being labeled.. Now this form of address, depending on the addressee(and their particular issues)may or may not be a commentary on his lack of height and/or physical stature--and even if so, may or may not be intended condescendingly. Sometimes people are just being nice. (Fancy that!)
Also, it's pretty common in the Sports or Entertainment fields. Being Bobby or Sammy there gives you just a little more headline-grabbing razmatazz to your monicker. But they do do that to you if you're short, male or female, whether they mean anything by it or not.
Being a reasonably intelligent, thoughtful sort, Bob knows this, as far as people's possible intentions, and tries to take it all in stride. But you still see him wince when someone calls him Bobby. Someone has reminded him, intentionally or not, that he's a little guy.
Bob hates this state of affairs, but doesn't necessarily want to be Hulk Hogan. He'd be fine just being 5'9" or 5'10", and of average build. Actually he's fine being 5'4" and of wiry(but muscular, if he works at it)build, so long as people don't give him a ration of shit about it..What he really hates, then, is not his size--his feet reach the ground-- but people's attitudes and prejudices about people his size.
Fortunately there are enough people who are cool to him, to whom he's just good-old-Bob, their friend who could be any height. And he's able to avoid the ones who aren't.
Actually I've noticed that most folks, irrespective of height, prefer the slightly more formal form of their names: the women I know as Patty usually refer to themselves as Pat, and most Mike's prefer Michael(one example, though for a completely different reason, is a composer I know of named Michael Hunt).
And there's a friend I grew up with, whom we called Danny, not a short guy, so it wasn't any kind of commentary there. He had all the height I(oops I mean my friend Bob)would want. With him I think it was more that the 'ny' after his name signified immaturity, something you call someone who's still in short pants. So phone messages are always from DAN, and with a certain don't -call-me-Danny solemnity to them..
I think many of us just want to be 5'9" or so in that regard, just sorta coast along the norm, unscathed by the slings and arrows of deviance on either side of it. . Your name, like your dog's, is something you're gonna be expected to answer to, so it'd be nice if it were something you're comfortable with--and something a little bit consistent with how you see yourself.
So I try to take the cue from how they introduce themselves, as far as how to address people. One exception to this though, is a guy I knew in college , J____ Weiner(pronounced Winer), who wanted everyone to call him "Mongo", after the brutish character in Blazing Saddles who coldcocked the horse with one punch. He'd refer to himself as "Mongo" in third person caveman-speak: 'Mongo hungry', etc. And you could tell he was just dying for everyone to follow suit and call him Mongo.
Well, like it says in the Good Book, he who exalts himself shall be humbled . Nobody ever called him Mongo, but one guy did call him "weenie".
So life goes on. Funny thing about Bob, though. If he were 6'4" instead of 5'4" he'd probably wish people called him Bobby. Some would, upon request, but many more would defer to his height and call him Bob, or maybe even Robert. Boy, you just can't win for losing, can you?!
posted by Roger U Roundly at 12:13 AM
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