Mean King Sam
Once upon a time, in a land not too dissimilar to our own and in an office of like non-dissimilarities, there lived a ruler so mean and despotic the mere mention of his name sent shivers down the spine in certain circles.
And certain rectangles as well. Okay, sorry for that last one. Anyway, this ruler was one mean mother. And as a matter of fact that was part of the name he was known by.
And certain rectangles as well. Okay, sorry for that last one. Anyway, this ruler was one mean mother. And as a matter of fact that was part of the name he was known by.
Mean King Sam.
Mean King Sam, as he would tell you, ruled his Kingdom with an iron fist !!! Usually, in so telling you, his fist would in fact crash into some inert object thus punctuating his statement. In King Sam's realm, you were at your desk at precisely 7 o'clock to begin your workday or the punishments would start to add up for every second you're late. Actually you have to be early, as King Sam sets the clocks ahead by two minutes and immediately fires anyone more than two minutes late.
If you're a minute late, King Sam is a bit more lenient. You're promptly taken back to the manager's office and flogged for 60 seconds, and you take a 30% salary cut, but you still keep your job. And after 10 years, you go back to nearly full-salary, with most of your benefits- except of course your pension "adjustment"..
The milder infractions--tardiness of 1-59 seconds, having one's wastebasket outside the prescribed area, having one's mouse outside its prescribed area, wearing other than the company uniform- are dealt with accordingly. Usually a mild electric shock to the person at their desk and a 5% salary cut for 2 years as a first offense.
Breaks are taken at 10-minute intervals starting at 8:10, and are assigned according to last name. If you go beyond your 10 minutes, the tardiness clock starts ticking. One minute, a mild electric zap and 5% salary cut for 2 years(as a first offense), two minutes: immediate dismissal; three minutes or more: immediate dismissal, and incarceration.
Lunch is always eaten in the cafeteria, and the cost of the meals are taken out of your paychecks(plus an appropriate tip). Employees file in alphabetically and go to their assigned seats. King Sam expects his employees all to chew their food 32 times and not only synchronize their chewing but swallowing as well. At least within each row. That way all employees are digesting their food at exactly the same time. That's the King Sam Philosophy at any rate. And he has his employees synchronize their bathroom activities as well.
Vacation is 1 week after 10 years, 2 weeks after 20 years and 2 1/2 weeks after 30 years. And all taken out of your pay. After 30 years, you're eligibile for a pension at 25% of your salary. What a deal.
Well at least the line to go apply to work at King Sam's office is a short one.
Mean King Sam, as he would tell you, ruled his Kingdom with an iron fist !!! Usually, in so telling you, his fist would in fact crash into some inert object thus punctuating his statement. In King Sam's realm, you were at your desk at precisely 7 o'clock to begin your workday or the punishments would start to add up for every second you're late. Actually you have to be early, as King Sam sets the clocks ahead by two minutes and immediately fires anyone more than two minutes late.
If you're a minute late, King Sam is a bit more lenient. You're promptly taken back to the manager's office and flogged for 60 seconds, and you take a 30% salary cut, but you still keep your job. And after 10 years, you go back to nearly full-salary, with most of your benefits- except of course your pension "adjustment"..
The milder infractions--tardiness of 1-59 seconds, having one's wastebasket outside the prescribed area, having one's mouse outside its prescribed area, wearing other than the company uniform- are dealt with accordingly. Usually a mild electric shock to the person at their desk and a 5% salary cut for 2 years as a first offense.
Breaks are taken at 10-minute intervals starting at 8:10, and are assigned according to last name. If you go beyond your 10 minutes, the tardiness clock starts ticking. One minute, a mild electric zap and 5% salary cut for 2 years(as a first offense), two minutes: immediate dismissal; three minutes or more: immediate dismissal, and incarceration.
Lunch is always eaten in the cafeteria, and the cost of the meals are taken out of your paychecks(plus an appropriate tip). Employees file in alphabetically and go to their assigned seats. King Sam expects his employees all to chew their food 32 times and not only synchronize their chewing but swallowing as well. At least within each row. That way all employees are digesting their food at exactly the same time. That's the King Sam Philosophy at any rate. And he has his employees synchronize their bathroom activities as well.
Vacation is 1 week after 10 years, 2 weeks after 20 years and 2 1/2 weeks after 30 years. And all taken out of your pay. After 30 years, you're eligibile for a pension at 25% of your salary. What a deal.
Well at least the line to go apply to work at King Sam's office is a short one.
posted by Roger U Roundly at 11:34 AM
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