ground level zero

I can't seem to plan them, though I do try and create what I think is the optimum climate for them to grow and flourish in. Whatever preparations I make, they seem to happen when and if they want to, almost completely independent of my ministrations. All I can say is, nice when they do..

Talking about what I call ground level zero days. Days when you wake up not just feeling "good", but several degrees more relaxed, more at peace with yourself and your world. Normally I have them(again, if I'm to have them)on vacations, and there usually the third day in- provided that the previous two were both days free of stress.

My most recent vacation, 11 days last month, was of course I time I was hoping to reach ground level zero, but it never quite happened. About five days into my time off, I did reach a point where I was a little more chilled, but this was more an intellectual realization than the kind of experience I'm talking about here. Ground level zero is more of a body high, a physical, respiratory "whew", a deeper breathing kinda thing. Reaffirmed, literally, with every breath you take, since they are deeper.

Today has been such a day. A more relaxed, deeper breathing day. All the more meaningful, since I tend, more often than not, toward the other end of the spectrum: the less relaxed, shallower breathing, crabbyass, pissed-off-at-the-world approach to life. Anxiety seems to run in the family, at least the male members(no pun intended here, but take it-what the hell): my Dad and brother, and, I'm told, nephew. All of us were compensated with a sense of humor though(even about ourselves), so the laughter diffuses some of the tension- but not all, of course.

So the mellowness is something I've enjoyed today, partially of course because it's in direct(and refreshing)contrast to what I usually feel, but mostly because it's just good in itself, self-evident in its auspiciousness--and of course as such it's a feeling you don't want to lose, being sent back to the all-too-familiar nervous irritability. I did experience one such moment driving home, my inner impatient motorist starting to rear his ugly cranium as I trailed behind a slowpoke right in front of me, but otherwise I've had a day of near-total equanimity.

I wish all my days could be ground level zero days. If I knew the secret(indeed if one exists), that would certainly be the case. I did have one thought around the time I woke up(the usual hazy awakening, which begins whatever kind of day I'm going to have)thinking something to the effect of "well I don't have all my problems solved, but that's okay". If I had anything to do with the kind of day I've had in terms of a conscious(or, being first-thing-in-the-morning, semi-conscious)decision, it's that I apparently decided not to carry all that shit around with me, if only for 24 hours.

Hmm...