Anima/Animus

In the office where I work, there's a lot of ribbing among the staff, a lot of horseplay. Most of the time this is one of its charms. Whatever you do(or don't do)is bound to catch someone's attention and set a few tongues to wagging- right down to how you park your car in the morning! You know, whether it's perfectly aligned within the two yellow lines. It starts the minute you're on the property, and doesn't end until after you've left for the day(if there's anyone still there to talk about you!).

One of the people I work with recently had a couple ceramic kittens on his desk, apparently from his wife, and a bouquet of flowers from an unknown source. Normally his desk just contains the bare essentials to perform the daily tasks, everything relegated neatly into folders: the right tool for the right job. A desk that would pass a military inspection if such a thing took place in the office(and thank God it doesn't!). So the ceramic kitties and the flowers did kinda stick out. Maybe not like a sore thumb, but certainly a manicured one.

And so the razzing starts. "Gee, Bob, your desk is looking a lot more- girly these days". "So what's next: some knick knacks, maybe some curtains?"

I decided to play Devil's Advocate and stick up for him. "C'mon you guys, Bob is just expressing his feminine side", which was taken(even by him)to mean expressing his gay side: oy, here come the Liza Minelli posters and the Opera records. Pretty soon he'll be bringing in quiche for us to enjoy, there'll be the clandestine phone calls to someone named Sheldon, and then we'll see his vehicle parked outside one of our town's fern bars and that'll be it. And to think it all started with a pair of ceramic cats..

Folks, this was not what I meant! For the record I don't think Bob has a gay side- and I could care less if he did. But like all men(yes, all men)he does have a feminine side. And it seems most unhealthy to me to not even acknowledge it, much less give it expression.

Our society is so fucked up. Roles for men and women are so fucked up in their rigidity- and they're much more so for men! Women can wear men's clothes, and get away with it(well past a certain point it does look dykey), but if a man wears women's clothes,that's a one-way ride to the fern bar. A woman can have a one-time experience with another woman and she's exploring her sexuality; but if a man tries that, he's a God-damned dick-smoker!

It's all based in fear. We're afraid of what's different from ourselves, and we're really afraid of what's different inside ourselves. So us guys continue with our posturing, making sure the contents of our desks and our lives can pass inspection. But like Lenny Bruce once said, it's the suppression that gives it its power- equally true whether it's the word nigger or a set of ceramic cats..

I would love to live in a society where people aren't afraid of their various sides, and don't feel they have to shut off some of the rooms in their houses. Where they can leave flowers and ceramic cats on their desks without fear of being thought to be light in the loafers. This was a sentiment expressed about the recent Gay Pride Parade: I'd love to see who was there, but wouldn't want anyone to see me there. Much fun was made by a few folks in the office..

Folks, it's healthy to be in touch with the different parts of your personality: of both your 'feminine' and 'masculine' sides. Without both,you're missing some essential "nutrients" to be a balanced human being and end up malnourished in one way or another. Once people stop being afraid, they realize they're not as weird as they thought they were. What's truly weird is our pathetic efforts to "fit in", our Procrustes' Bed of attitudes and notions that lead us to indict those who might have a spare ceramic cat or a few flowers on our desks..

I told him he was my role model except for the flowers and ceramic cats on his desk, which got the intended laugh. Actually this person could be a role model for me in some ways, having some qualities I lack: organizational skills, equanimity(to name two). Strangely enough, he'd be my role model if, in addition to these nice qualities, he didn't care about having flowers and ceramic cats on his desk. That's the one place where I'd just as soon be me.