Saturday, March 31, 2012

You Are, In Fact, INSANE!

I'm afraid it's true. The lab results are in, and you've been found to be nuttier than squirrel turds. A painful truth, to be sure, but we have to face it squarely. You are, in fact, insane. That said, you can no longer live among 'normal' people, to whom you would be a danger(as well as to yourself). So we've arranged housing for you in a community with those who share your--disability. Come with us.....

Sunday, March 25, 2012

For Me and My Grill

Anybody who has five sons all of whom he names George you gotta wonder about, if just a little bit. Unfortunately it lacks the punch line of the welfare mother giving all her sons the same first name('what if you want to call them individually?' 'oh, then I use their last names!') But George Foreman, as an HBO commentator, seems very personable-and is smarter than his persona might lead you to believe.

So, okay, the all-George thing is kinda weird in several ways- could spew its weirdness in several different directions, but otherwise, Foreman seems an okay guy. And at his best, he was a hell of a fighter.

But the George Foreman I'm concerned with in this blog is not the boxer or family man(strangely enough, none of the 5 Georges are boxers, at least to my knowledge, but like Ali and Frazier he has a daughter who puts on the gloves: Freeda George Foreman)but purveyor of fine cooking products. Yes, I am the owner of a George Foreman Grill. And I'm very satisfied with my purchase.

It's opened up a number of cooking possibilities--burgers, chicken, dogs--that weren't workable on the skillet. And the things I used to fry(Salmon and Tapaica, pork chops)are much better on the grill. Yes, I know- these are things most other folks have done for quite some time, but I'm a neophyte in the world of cooking, having microwaved my way through too many years. But better late than never.

So, George Foreman. Congrats on a great boxing career, and enjoy your commentary on HBO sports. And the grill works fine. I just hope those boys at least have different middle names...

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

I Can Name My State Capitals

Most of us in our 50's, whether or not we've done it up to now, start to become more health-conscious. We watch our diets, try to exercise, and probably have to take some kind of meds to keep everything running smoothly. I have to.

A big part of this, as well as physical health and firmity, is intellectual health. Keeping the mind alive. As I go through this sixth decade of life, I try more and more to use my noodle on a daily basis. Hopefully complete at least one 'evil' Sudoku puzzle every day, and learn at least one new thing. I did meet my quota today, completing one 'evil' Sudoku puzzle(and screwing up another one, but oh well..), and re-learned some basic grammar:

Learned about a split infinitive, which is when an adverb is placed between to(the infinitive itself) and the verb. Star Trek's opening monologue is a good example: to boldly go where no man has gone before. To boldly go. Also about a dangling participle. The participle is usually an ing or ed word- swimming, reading, learning; and a dangling participle is one in a compound sentence that creates ambiguity. The example I found which best illustrates: flitting gaily from flower to flower, the football player watches the bee. Whom here is doing the flitting, the bee or the football player?

Also about a gerund, which is a verb that becomes a noun. Isn't learning fun?

And I re-learned my State Capitals. I remember learning that stuff in 5th Grade, and many of them got lost in the shuffle over the years. For what it's worth, here they are. I don't know the order of the states, as far as being established as such--except for Delaware being first, Pennsylvania being second and New Jersey third(all in 1787); and Alaska and Hawaii the last two, both in 1959.

Alabama- Montgomery
Alaska- Juneau
Arizona- Phoenix
Arkansas- Little Rock
California- Sacramento
Colorado- Denver
Connecticut- Hartford
Delaware- Dover
Florida- Tallahassee
Georgia- Atlanta
Hawaii- Oahu
Idaho- Boise
Illinois- Springfield
Indiana- Indianapolis
Iowa- Des Moines
Kansas- Topeka
Kentucky- Frankfort
Louisiana- Baton Rouge
Maine- Augusta
Maryland- Annapolis
Massachusetts- Boston
Michigan- Lansing
Minnesota- St Paul
Mississippi- Jackson
Missouri- Jefferson City
Montana- Helena
Nebraska- Lincoln
Nevada- Carson City
New Hampshire- Concord
New Jersey- Trenton
New Mexico- Santa Fe
New York- Albany
North Carolina- Raleigh
North Dakota- Bismarck
Ohio- Columbus
Oklahoma- Oklahoma City
Oregon- Salem
Pennsylvania- Harrisburg
Rhode Island- Providence
South Carolina- Columbia
South Dakota- Pierre
Tennessee- Nashville
Texas- Austin
Vermont- Montpelier
Virginia- Richmond
Washington- Olympia
West Virginia- Charleston
Wisconsin- Madison
Wyoming- Cheyenne

Well there they are. No doubt a long boring list. I think I got 'em all right though. Maybe I'll do State Flowers next. Naah. But learning is still fun, whether you're 7 or 57.